Presently, I am selling off some of my real estate holdings to raise funds for the campaign.  Hopefully, this stragedy will ruin campaign finance reform in the process.

We will also be having rallies from time to time with bands, girls and a lots of hoopla!

We have contacted representatives of many different people to help with fundraising:

1.    Donovan McNabb and any ex-football analyst to do a commercial on my behalf

2.    Papa Joe

3.    Jerry Tarkanian, Ralph Readout (we will control the tempo of the game), all ex-UNLV basketball players available, and anyone whoever set foot in the North Gym

4.    Any clone of Elvis, Dean Martin, or Barry White; If none can be found I will sing the songs myself, with Marie Todd on keyboard, Melissa Marie and The Sweet Salutations on backup vocals, and Jamie on the bass guitar (play it Jamie!)

5.    Walter Williams

6.    Celine Dion, Wayne Newton, Tom Jones, David Cassidy

7.    Ann Coulter

8.    Thomas Sowell

9.    Barbara Striesand and an ex-football analyst to sing a duet (You Don’t Bring Me Complaining Anymore), a song I just wrote.

10.    Father Ed

11.    Denny Crane:  If he says vote for Gary Marinch that’s it, enough said.  Then they can just crown me Senator.  Why?  I held court with DENNY CRANE.

12.    Robert Downey Jr.

13.    A clone of Dizzy Gillispie

14.    Jon Burrows

15.    Monsieur Hymie Dang Wong Datsu, Asian Connection (Secret Asian Man)

16.    Dianna Ross, The Four Tops, Dionne Warwick, Sting, Frankie Valli, Jay Black, Joe Cocker, Issac Hayes, Glen Campbell, Wild Cherry, The 5th Dimension, Al Martino, The Letterman, and Vickie Carr- hopefully to sing a new potential hit song, which I just wrote, titled “Still Flaming Since 10270 (AKA Fire Extinguisher on Call)”

17.    Martin Sheen

18.    Meathead

19.    An impersonator of the phenomenal Flip Wilson and the congregation

20.    Doug Thomas and his band The Big Draw

21.    Neil Diamond in a duet with Casandra

22.    Melissa Marie- hope to get her to do her version of Stand By Your Man, in order to inspire the women of Nevada

23.    The Wild Bunch- Craze, Lane etc.

24.    The Superfly Cheerleaders (Flyettes)

25.    Hairy Jones, Mudcat Grant and C-Man (hello baseball fans)

26.    Special fundraiser to be held at a florist shop in Ohio.  Bring shovels to dig for buried treasure.

25.    We will be having an auction:  Highest bidder will get a date with an infamous movie producer presently in pre-production, painting a house; or a date with Dr. Irwin of Doweiny Meat Market (aka la plum bob)

Leave a Reply